Bullying...I
haven't really been able to relate to this specifically until this
past year. I really wasn't bullied as a kid. I was a bit of a
tomboy and I might have even done a little bullying myself. I
honestly don't remember. Even though I was a victim of sexual,
ritual and emotional abuse those things usually aren't called
bullying.
Recently
however I became employed at a place where I feel my experiences can
be called workplace bullying or close to it. I tend to organize my
work so I know what I have finished, what I am working on and what
needs done. Most places I have worked at have some kind of
organization like this. Manual forms, and supplys are kept in a
certain place. It is somewhat haphazard at my workplace. I put
undone work to the left and finished work to the right. That is how I
was shown how to do the job when I was trained. However my boss
leaves things all over the place. If I find them I can usually
recognize what needs done or not done. Sometimes things are just
sitting there when I come in the next day with no notes. Another
person has noticed this as well. A co-worker also leaves things with
no explanation. Sometimes things are moved to another location but
nothing is said or a note left. So it is easy to get confused. There
is no easy way to know what needs to be done, know where things are
etc. I get yelled at because I don't check all the details when
there are three or four things vying for my attention and many minor
distractions. She puts things all over the place and I get yelled at
for not knowing where they are at. She spreads her work out and I
have no place to do mine and I get yelled at because I am standing
there trying to figure out what to do. I will ask her a questions
and she says for me to get something which I think is answering my
question but it is not then I get yelled at for not knowing
specifically what she wants. Sometimes she will tell me to get
something off a shelf, isn't specific but there are about 200 items
on the shelf or 8 boxes to look through. Then I am too slow, she
comes over and gets what she wants, so she knows specifically what
she wants and where it is. When it gets busy at work we all get
stressed and that's when she starts picking. Even before she starts
my stomach starts to hurt because I know what is coming.
This is
what I am dealing with day to day. It's making me sick. This is only
a part of the stress I am under at this time in my life. There can be
no recovery from abuse at this time. These things may not seem like
much but considering my background of abuse and PTSD...it's like it's
happening all over again. God put me in this job but I don't know
why. I'm looking for other work but it isn't going very well.
