Hope in the Journey

What do I find hope in when I look at the difficult journey ahead of me? I admit it...some days I find very little hope at all. Other days I look at the changed lives of people I know who have done the hard work and I know it is possible for me too. Having Dissociative Identity Disorder I have alter personalities who have very different emotions, experiences and thoughts. It is like living in a single room with a bunch of random people. Some want to sleep, some are angry, others want to watch cartoons, some are yelling, some are exercising. Some are complaining the light is too bright, others hate the clothes we are wearing, some think everyone else is stupid and others just cower in the corner. What a freaking mess!

I am thankful God loves messes. Romans 8:35 says “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” Jeremiah 31:3 & 4 says, “...I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt...” The context of this is about the nation of Israel but as God's word has layers of meaning I think it can be applied to those of us who have been devastated and torn apart in our souls. I believe my application resonates with other scriptures about God's love for us and about His plan for wholeness for all who come to Him.

Hope can slip away when I see the hurt and pain in others I know suffer as well. It can slip away when my system sabotages me and I become unreasonably angry or anxious and have no idea what unhealed part of me holds so much pain. Right now only God really knows what happened in my past that still has a hold on me today. I know all that will come to light as I trust God to use my therapist and pastor in my life. I guess none of us would do the hard work if we didn't have hope...wherever it comes from. Often I have had hope instilled in me by the encouraging people in my life. My pastor, a friend, my therapist. They intentionally offer goodness to me, helping me to see some of what God has for me. Sometimes I find hope accidentally....in a song, in a story, in my own observations of life around me. Perhaps it's not so accidental...God puts things in front of me all the time.

Maybe I am writing this more to convince myself than anyone else. I am on my own journey, not anyone elses. I hope (there's that word again!) that it ignites a spark in other fellow sojourners to something God has for their healing journey.  

The following Youtube video is the song "My Hope is in You" sung by Aaron Shust