Workplace Bullying...Taking Emotional Beatings To Pay The Bills

Bullying...I haven't really been able to relate to this specifically until this past year. I really wasn't bullied as a kid. I was a bit of a tomboy and I might have even done a little bullying myself. I honestly don't remember. Even though I was a victim of sexual, ritual and emotional abuse those things usually aren't called bullying.

Recently however I became employed at a place where I feel my experiences can be called workplace bullying or close to it. I tend to organize my work so I know what I have finished, what I am working on and what needs done. Most places I have worked at have some kind of organization like this. Manual forms, and supplys are kept in a certain place. It is somewhat haphazard at my workplace. I put undone work to the left and finished work to the right. That is how I was shown how to do the job when I was trained. However my boss leaves things all over the place. If I find them I can usually recognize what needs done or not done. Sometimes things are just sitting there when I come in the next day with no notes. Another person has noticed this as well. A co-worker also leaves things with no explanation. Sometimes things are moved to another location but nothing is said or a note left. So it is easy to get confused. There is no easy way to know what needs to be done, know where things are etc. I get yelled at because I don't check all the details when there are three or four things vying for my attention and many minor distractions. She puts things all over the place and I get yelled at for not knowing where they are at. She spreads her work out and I have no place to do mine and I get yelled at because I am standing there trying to figure out what to do. I will ask her a questions and she says for me to get something which I think is answering my question but it is not then I get yelled at for not knowing specifically what she wants. Sometimes she will tell me to get something off a shelf, isn't specific but there are about 200 items on the shelf or 8 boxes to look through. Then I am too slow, she comes over and gets what she wants, so she knows specifically what she wants and where it is. When it gets busy at work we all get stressed and that's when she starts picking. Even before she starts my stomach starts to hurt because I know what is coming.

One of my co-workers likes to say things that are over the top. He wants attention, wants to get peoples goat. I don't play into it much so I am no fun. Often he picks on people, coworkers even customers. He once said something disparaging about some people with a certain disability and I was amazed he would do that. I didn't know what to think or say at the time. A day or two later I approached the boss and told her that even though I knew he was just trying to get a reaction and didn't really think that way that I thought he could get the company into trouble if someone overheard him. Never mind he was picking on defenseless people. I said I would call the corporate office if I heard it again. Since then he has slipped once, saying it would be funny if a customer with cancer could not get her pain medications. I said immediately that I did not think so and he said that's not what he meant. He says things I do don't make sense and will do my work over.

I really don't know what to do about it. I work at a place that is more likely to reduce my hours to zero and say they don't need me than do anything. I also overheard a phone conversation the boss had with someone she might hire. We do need someone to work a few hours but I think my hours will be reduced quite a lot. There is only one full-time person in my position. Since I am part-time I can't work more than 28 hours a week anyway. I still can't make ends meet. So I anticipate that my hours will go down.

This is what I am dealing with day to day. It's making me sick. This is only a part of the stress I am under at this time in my life. There can be no recovery from abuse at this time. These things may not seem like much but considering my background of abuse and PTSD...it's like it's happening all over again. God put me in this job but I don't know why. I'm looking for other work but it isn't going very well.