God in us

A Return to Love - Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciouslygive other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Do we know how God's glory is manifested in us? Not entirely. God is a mystery. We do know this begins when we confess the darkness that is in us, that causes us to sin and transgress God. We confess the darkness and the sin. We can hardly manifest God's glory if we don't give that part of ourselves up to Him. Since we are His creation the potential for glory is in all of us. He gives us a choice to follow His path to manifest it. Not that other paths don't bring out portions of the goodness and glory He has put there. If there is a portion of truth in them, then it will bear fruit. However, if you seek the truth...seek all the truth, not just a piece here and a part there. The glory of God being manifested in us...are we afraid of what that is? Is it too great a thing to have the power of the risen Lord Jesus flowing through us? I wonder sometimes at what I think I have been called to and I know I only see the tip of the ice berg.

Musings

Being out of work sure has it's stresses, especially when there is no other income. But it also allows for a lot of time to reflect and work on issues. I had alters start to surface after things being fairly quiet for a number of years. It was very uncomfortable because the one that was the most present was one that carried a lot of anxiety. It got so bad I had to take ¼ of resperdol to control it one night and after that this alter submerged again. It has been very quiet since then, over a month ago. They were upset, they said they would be good, to not take the medicine. Oh yeah, I had gone off all my psych meds in May, after my last post. I have actually been doing pretty good without them. I have started using my lamp for the Seasonal Affective Disorder...when I remember.

My therapist had to go out of town for six weeks to be with family and during that time I met with my pastor. We have known each other for almost 20 years and she knows what is going on with me. We prayed about alters sabotaging the job process. That was one of her concerns. We prayed about ones inside who were in the “dungeon”. Angels took them to a new room and Jesus destroyed the “dungeon”. However this new place has gotten darker and the ones in it don't do anything. It's discouraging to see that this has not actually changed anything. I don't know why it's like this but it is.

I've tried to press into what I believe Jesus is calling me toward. I took the second part of a school of healing prayer at church a couple weekends ago. It was good but someone's testimony stirred up deep issues. I'd like to pursue healing prayer for them but both my pastor and therapist said now is not the time. The reason being that an alter might receive healing from it but there might be many more affected by the same issue and it would be better to achieve integration before attempting healing prayer.

I've really rambled here and I feel I really can't express what is going on with me, so forgive me for a lame post. I wish that I didn't take 3 steps back for every step forward. I put a lot of effort into it and I just want to give up right now.