Sunday, June 7, 2009
Over the past 20 years I’ve had a lot of healing. It’s been about 28 years since I realized that I had been sexually abused. It took several years after that to pin down more of the facts and to find a counselor who not only could counsel sexual abuse victims but also understood and knew how to heal some of the spiritual aspects of my abuse. As a Christian, I believe Jesus Christ is the source of power for healing. The spiritual aspects of my abuse were anything but Christian. Other family members besides my parents perpetrated these acts against me. Where does a small child find a safe place in all of that? Part of me remained that “small child” until I could find a safe place and Jesus could touch me. People often go to God looking for an instant miracle of healing. I have yet to meet anyone who has had an instant miracle of healing for abuse. There is often a lightening of the burden, revelations of truth, a touch from Jesus but the entire thing is not lifted all at once.
Abuse that happens as a small child often shapes coping mechanisms, relationship patterns, attitudes about self and others that are not healthy and take time to remold and to relearn healthy ones.
My healing has not been accomplished without the help of loving people. There was the counselor who recommended I go to a particular church for healing prayer. I followed through on that recommendation and started receiving prayer almost every week for about 2 years. God had heard my prayers for help over several years before that. I knew something was wrong, but I knew I wasn’t crazy. The psychiatrist was treating me with anti-depressants, major tranquilizers and anti-anxiety meds as well as pills to deal with the side effects of those meds. What a mess! It was difficult to even know what I was feeling or thinking being on all those pills. My counselor at the time asked the doc for a “medication vacation”. The intent was to take me off all those meds for several months and then see what I really needed. That is when the memories started popping up, flashbacks of incidents and emotions. Not long afterward my counselor made the recommendation that I call the church for prayer. I linked up with a couple of prayer counselors who I will never forget. They accepted me and prayed with me and listened to everything I had to say. I wasn’t afraid to reveal my thoughts that I felt were “crazy”. These people were not there to evaluate me or medicate me. They were safe. They were able to reach that “small child” within that was holding so much fear. They did require that I seek professional help, which I was already involved in. One of these women finished her degree and became a professional counselor and she is now my therapist.
My healing journey isn't over yet; I still see a counselor and take some medication. I can listen to Jesus and Him for more revelation and more healing in my life. The gift of healing I received from God and the willingness of Christians to offer life to the suffering are jewels in my life that I will never forget.